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Success as a Journey, Not a Benchmark

We all have different definitions of happiness and success. For some, success might be as simple as being able to enjoy a meal with their family after a well‑worked day. For others, it might mean graduating summa cum laude, earning a CEO promotion, or crossing the finish line of the NYC Marathon. No matter the goal, we put in enormous effort and make countless sacrifices to achieve it—so many hours worked for that promotion, so many miles run to reach the line.

Every definition of success is deeply personal. It is tightly shaped by our life experiences and our history. Our goals may be logical or completely irrational—but who cares? It’s often hard to explain why certain things matter so much to us.

What makes success so personal is that, at some point, it becomes a crucial part of how we define ourselves. We measure who we are by our goals, our achievements, or sometimes by the lack of them. We want something meaningful to work toward—something fulfilling. When we achieve it, we feel successful; when we don’t, we feel, at least a little, like a loser.

So how do we define success?

I’ve heard that if we define success as mastering something rather than achieving a specific performance outcome, we’re more likely to truly feel successful. For example, focusing on mastering the content of a class instead of getting an A significantly increases our chances of satisfaction.

There are a few important things to consider when defining success. First, it should depend on no one but yourself. Our success cannot be dictated by others. Second, it shouldn’t be tied to just one measure or outcome. Success should be rooted in growth and mastery, not in betting everything on a single performance goal. It should be seen as a long‑term journey made up of hundreds of small steps—each one worth celebrating. And finally, success should be built around our strengths rather than our weaknesses. Otherwise, we’ll never allow ourselves to do something truly great.

Throughout my life, my definition of success has changed several times. Too often, I defined it based on others’ expectations, which wasn’t fair to them or to me. The more I’ve worked to understand myself, the clearer my own definition of success has become. Do I feel successful today? At least a little. I’ve also felt defeated at times—and that’s part of the journey.

I’ve realized that my version of success is different from everyone else’s, just as theirs is different from mine. But if we understand our own definition and persist in pursuing it, we’ll inevitably move closer to it.

So, what's your definition of success? and what makes you feel successful?

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